Sunday, February 2, 2014

Unplugging Update: This is hard. No it's not. Yes it is. I need a nap.

I did some unplugging from my biggest internet addiction. The Facebook.

I originally deactivated but after realizing that all the information I posted in my Natural Living group completely disappeared, I reactivated my main account and just logged off with no current plans for when to log back in. I was hesitant at first, unsure that I would be able to stay logged off, but then I realized all I have to do to reactivate is log back in anyway. So what's the difference. At least all the helpful info is still around if I'm only logged off.

How is it going you may or may not be wondering? I dont really know yet. I haven't logged back in with my main/distracting account. I never realized how much time I spent scrolling through the feed and getting distracted with other people's lives. There's so many friends and pages that I like with that account, it is just one big distraction for me.

My unattached account isn't nearly as big of a distraction BUT I'm still not "there" yet. That one is connected to no one and just a couple of priceless groups for natural health knowledge. However, that's basically another addiction of mine, so I need to stay honest with myself of how often I'm on with that account. I was on every day but for much less time than "usual" and just to share some info in my group or do a quick look at a couple groups. I definitely feel like I still need to work on that. 

I'm on other social networks like Twitter and Instagram but I'm not addicted to those. I like to swing over to Twitter to share a new blog post or something cool I just found now and then, not even every week. 

So it hasn't been a total unplug from all things internet. Just a major cut back. I feel like I do have some of my life back. And really, thank God for it. It's hard to admit you have an addiction. It's hard to be honest about it. Getting to a place where you can do something about it is hard too. There was a lot of inner dialogue...for several months. 

Yep, I have a problem.

Hmm. That sucks but I don't think I can do anything about this. I mean how can I not be on here? Look at everything I will miss. Look at everything I won't be able to share.

There's really a problem here. What's this doing to my kids. There's no way it's not doing anything to them.

I don't WANT to cut back. I like it here. A lot.

Rinse and repeat for months until finally, something breaks I guess. I'm not sure what broke for me. I suppose it was my brain. "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results." Yea that sounds about right. I would be on and off FB for most of the day and my brain would hurt and I'd not be able to stay off. Like once I was down the hole, I might as well just stay here and stay online because I can't get out. I remember telling my friend on several occasions that I was making myself nuts with this FB. So yea, my brain broke.

It's hard to accept that I can't "do it all". Or more that yes, I can do it all but then I miss out on my life and my kids lives, and they miss out on me. Do I want to do it all or have it all? When I really stop and think of what's most important, it's not what's on FB. It's not who is on FB. It's not working a side job to become financially free. It's being present to enjoy my now before my kids are grown and gone and before I lose myself entirely to the insanity of trying to do it all to have it all. 

All the energy spent wasted on FB....amazing things can happen when they energy is used for something positive. Relationships grow, I've seen this in just the week or so since I've been off with my  3.5 year old. He's changed a lot to me. More confident, listens better, more big brotherly. I actually get things done around the house with the otherwise wasted energy. Go figure. :P

Probably my most "duh" moment of all of this, that I still re-realize here and there, is that God has my back. Hello. He has everything all figured. All I need to do is nuture my relationship with Him and my husband and kids and the rest will sort itself out. Matthew 6:26 "Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?" Doh! Yes! And I'll keep realizing this how many more times in my life? Probably a bajillionity. ;)

I know this is just the very beginning of the transformation! I hope you will join me!